1) The Supreme Court is going to require briefs to be in a font which none of my word processors have.
2) As you are running away from the robbery you probably shouldn't shoot yourself in the leg.
3) We'd all like to do it once every so often, but it probably isn't helpful to tell the judge he is a few freedom fries short of a happy meal.
4) Okay, if it takes the government so long to execute someone that they have to give him a bathroom break it just might qualify as cruel (and hopefully unusual).
5) Y'know, generally your last words before execution should probably be more inspiring than "Go Raiders."
6) They just don't like ATM machines in South Africa.
7) You're asleep on the back porch. A dog jumps the fence and attacks you. As you awake and start to defend yourself a voice yells over the fence telling you to stop fighting the dog because he's a police dog. And the story goes on from there . . .
8) Hey guys, if you burglarize donut shops catching you will become a priority.
9) He may be nuts, but if he was organized enough to plan out this rape he's going to have a hard time claiming to be incompetent.
10) Police in Japan are cracking down on those dangerous 2 to a bicycle riders.
11) Stolen: One gold bathtub from a tenth floor public bathroom.
12) I don't care if you work at a zoo, it is not legal to treat a woman the same way you treat a lion.
13) Nope, I'm not really surprised that you struck out when you hit on the clerk of the store you just robbed.
14) Are you a highly respected member of the bar when your conviction for impersonating a police officer - in order to intimidate a witness - is overturned on the sole ground that it was prosecuted too late?
15) If you're trying to get the reward, don't be stupid enough to try and blackmail the property's owner.
16) Michael Vick bets on dog fights. Yeah, I know, you're shocked.
17) Ummm . . . The bailiff's job isn't to give the judge "foot rubs and back massages."
18) And finally, proof positive that we are allowing our judges too much time to serf the web. ;-)